Climate change and global warming: obliterated!

Donald Trump is one hell of a man. We’ve all been scratching our heads and wondering what to do about climate change for ages, and, thanks to this genius of a man, the problem is now a thing of the past! Isn’t that great?

I’m so grateful to Donald Trump. The planet should be, too. He has single-handedly ended our planet’s climate change woes! Not that they were really ever there in the first place. After all, “the concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make United States (US) manufacturing non-competitive”.

You didn’t know this? Come on! The Don announced this revelation in a tweet on November 6, 2012. So it certainly must be true.

It should, therefore, have come as no surprise when, just moments after his inauguration, climate change became persona non-grata on the White House’s official website (you’ll find it at whitehouse.gov). This is a good move! Why waste cyberspace chatting about nonsensical stuff? The website has better things to do!

Oh, sorry, I almost forgot. There was one detail that did survive the climate change purge – Trump’s intention to eradicate the climate change policies promoted by that silly tree hugger, Barack Obama.

In 2013, Obama launched the Climate Action Plan, which aimed to address the challenges associated with climate change, but Trump believes that initiatives such as this plan are nothing less than “harmful and unnecessary policies”. So, of course those silly plans need to be relegated to the annals of history. Maybe toss them over the wall between the US and Mexico? That way we can all really forget that they ever existed?

Some clearly misguided people cannot understand the eradication of all the climate change stuff on the White House’s website. What is wrong with them? According to The New York Times, scientists are worried that other data could disappear, too. “Climate change data gathered and stored by the United States government is considered among the most authoritative in the world, but scientists worry the data will be deleted during the Trump administration,” it warns.

In fact, behind the scenes, scientists working for 314 Action — a non-profit group named for the first three numbers of the mathematical concept Pi – have been working frantically, trying to save and store this data.

“The concern is that the data may no longer be publicly available. It’s a lot easier to deny climate change when you don’t have data,” Shaughnessy Naughton, the founder of 314 Action, told The New York Times. I mean … really … these conspiracy theorists need to get a life.

Meanwhile, the chaps at the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) have been sweating it out, worrying that they won’t have jobs any more, but they have nothing to fear. Agent Orange says that their jobs are secure. According to the aforementioned White House website, President Trump will “refocus the EPA on its essential mission of protecting our air and water”. Clear message to EPA employees: forget about all those ridiculous projects related to climate change or global warming! Stop messing about, people; you have more important things to do!

I, for one, am so glad to see that America is finally getting its act together when it comes to those two mindless myths: climate change and global warning. At last the country has a true leader, a visionary who has put an end to all this fretting about problems that simply don’t exist.

Actually, as the esteemed president of America notes, we sometimes wish that they could be a reality. As He Who Knows Everything tweeted on October 19, 2015: “It’s really cold outside, they are calling it a major freeze, weeks ahead of normal. Man, we could use a big fat dose of global warming!”

Amen.